I’m Done With Dating

There’s a show called “Married at first sight”. People are ( as the name implies) married to strangers, whom they’ve never met. My first thought was “WHAT THE FUCK?”…but then, I thought…Dating is difficult. It’s so difficult, that I kinda don’t wanna do it anymore. Can I sign up for an arranged marriage?

That’s probably the most “un-feminist” thing I’ve ever said!

Hear me out!

I like the idea of having a “partner in crime”, a person who I can depend on, a nice warm mass of flesh lying in bed with me on cold winter nights.

Unfortunately, every attempt that I’ve made to find a “suitable” mass of warm flesh has ended “TERRIBLY.” Maybe “terribly” is a strong word ( no it’s not), but the relationship ended (and I’m glad it did).

Let’s see…There was…

-The weed head…who may also have been a dealer

-The manipulative, jealous guy who didn’t think I was worth a 40 minute drive to see

-The guy who was better than me ( according to him)

-The guy who told me I needed to lose weight

-The guy who broke up with me via text message

-The guy who mocks everything I do

-The guy who counted the number of times I chewed my food ( because he thought I ate too fast)

-And finally…the guys who ghosted me

May I please get a loving, understanding man to be my partner?

Can you see why I no longer want to date?

Here’s what I suggest… I would like my friends to create a list of suitable men. The men should be between 35 – 42, be driven ( like me), have a great sense of humor (like me), have a desire to settle down, and lastly…be employed.

So…. (Pretend that we’re clinging wine glasses at the bar) Cheers to leaving dating behind!

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